Cancer Portrait

Chicago Style!

2006-05-20T11:57:00.000-07:00

Just to let everybody know that I'm on "vacation"... I headed to Chicago on Thursday night. I'm having a lot of fun here, I'll post pictures later.

Iron Pol, I have you on my mind, good luck on your marathons this month!

Untitled, no, there's no title...

2006-05-08T14:12:00.000-07:00

Lately it seems like cancer is trying to be back in my body. I haven't been posting because I have been traveling either to the hospital or to my family's house. I just came back yesterday from Seattle. It was incredibly nice; to be with them is the greatest thing for me. So yes, cancer is back just a little in my bronchy. The doctor found pre-cancerous cells and decided to do a bronchoscopy and it came back with cancer in 1 from two spots that he took to examinate. My near future? Chemotherapy again... Which I guess I'll have to stick with it. I thank God and my doctor for being wise and checking me up every other day LOL (honestly it felt like if it was an every other day check up) and that way he could see or had the guts feelings that I had some cancer cells in my bronchy. So everybody shave their heads because you have to show some support for me yet again... I don't want anybody with hair, if I'm going to be bald I will want everybody bald. Ok I'm just joking my hair is still short so it won't be too hard to loose it again. I will look weird though.

Quitting? Who said something about quitting? That's not written on my 'what to do' list.

The other day I felt like browsing the internet for a little while, enough to make me sleepy and go to sleep. I went to my friend's blog and I found out sad news. Her house got burned, it really hurt me when I read the post. She lost everything (material) that was in the house. The kids and her are ok, thank God. But just knowing that sacrifices from many years, to put a house together, valuable items in the house and other stuff were lost in the fire it made me cry. But she is strong, she is stronger than I thought and she's just grateful to be alive and having her kids healthy and fine. That really shocked me and it just made me question WHY things like that happen to good people like her...

I wanna run I wanna run I wanna run!!!!!!
I asked my doctor if I could run, before chemo makes me sick; he said I could, with moderation!!! Woohoo tomorrow I'm going to the part and will run at least 2 miles easy.

Oh thank's for the comments Tom and R. Jayhawk ;-) I appreciate it.

I guess I'm struggling

2006-04-22T09:29:00.000-07:00

Lately me and my mom have been having arguments about me going back to live with them or not, etc..etc... I have been working a lot and that job takes a lot of my energy. I have been getting colds and have been in the hospital because of it. I went to the doctor like 3 times this week. I'm afraid that anything or any symptom would be from cancer. I panic every night because of it and I dream about it.

I have had the time to post and be online but I've been keeping my feelings in my chest. Ughh! I would love to get over this. My mom might be right about me moving back with them for a while but it's a big change right now and I hate changes.

Hybrid virus may help fight cancer

2006-04-21T23:45:00.000-07:00

Hybrid virus may help fight cancer
Local scientists find that it shows promise as a way to target tumors
By ERIC BERGERCopyright 2006 Houston Chronicle

-->
Using the cell-invading prowess of viruses and the hybrid concepts driving up automobile fuel efficiency these days, local scientists have found a way to light up cancerous tumors in mice like fireflies in the night.
What sounds like a genetics parlor trick may be an important step toward identifying cancer cells and zapping them before they spread and smother healthy organs.

By creating a hybrid out of two dissimilar viruses, researchers hope to be able to illuminate tumor cells, making it easier for doctors to target cancers and monitor treatments.
It also could provide a kick-start to the unfulfilled promise of gene therapy.
"This really bridges a big gap," said Renata Pasqualini, a professor of medicine and cancer biology at The University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center, co-leader of a study published in Friday's issue of the journal Cell.
That gap — the successful delivery of genes into cells — has been the primary reason medical researchers have failed to get gene therapy to live up to its potential.
Genes, the carriers of hereditary information, signal a body's cells when it's time to manufacture certain proteins. These proteins carry out the basic biologic functions of life.
Scientists long have thought that inserting normal genes into cells to replace the function of defective genes, such as restoring insulin production in the case of diabetics, could treat diseases.
But they have struggled to capitalize on the trove of information on the 25,000 human genes accumulated in the past decade, largely because of the delivery problem.
Viruses by nature attack human cells to introduce their genes into the host cell for the purposes of replicating and spreading throughout the body. Scientists already have tapped that ability.
But viruses have proved to be imperfect carriers of "good" genes because they attack human cells indiscriminately, both the healthy and cancerous. Moreover, the body's immune system often is good at destroying these viruses before they reach their targets.
These shortcomings have led scientists to look a little further down the food chain to viruses that infect bacteria. Such viruses are found everywhere, from soil to the human gut.
Bacterial viruses can be targeted very specifically to different types of cells. But because they've evolved to infect bacteria, these viruses do a poor job delivering good genes into human cells.
What's a biologist to do? Combine the best features of both viruses into one.
The hybrid virus created by Pasqualini and her colleagues at M.D. Anderson infected nearly 100 percent of the targeted cancerous cells, and the genes they delivered functioned for weeks or even months, a stunning success. The delivered genes produced fluorescent proteins that the researchers could easily see with imaging equipment.
With the new technique, Pasqualini said, it could be possible for cancer doctors and their patients to know almost immediately whether chemotherapy and other treatments are having any effect on tumors.
It's worth noting, however, that there have been past successes with small animals that haven't translated into larger mammals or humans.
"This is only a proof-of-concept" cautioned Dr. Wadih Arap, a co-leader of the study along with Pasqualini.
Still, the research has garnered the attention of other cancer scientists. Not only does it appear to have solved the problems of targeting and delivery, but the hybrid virus seems to evade the body's immune system long enough to deliver its genetic payload.
"I have a lot of excitement for this new approach," said Dr. Steven Libutti, a senior investigator at the National Cancer Institute and head of its Tumor Angiogenesis Section.
Libutti and other researchers are testing the hybrid virus in dogs with cancerous tumors. In the study, Libutti has begun using the hybrid virus to transport genes that produce a protein-like material that's toxic to cells that line blood vessels leading to tumors. Kill the blood vessels and the tumor starves.
Performing the study in large animals is the final step before the hybrid virus can be tested in humans, possibly within a few years.
"We've treated the first dog in this study without any toxicity," Libutti said. "We should know soon whether the new approach works, but we're very hopeful."

Insomnia? Perhaps...

2006-04-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

I have been experience a lot of different symptoms in my body like the famous insomnia. I wake up at 5am, 6am, 7am, or 8 but never 9am... I go to bed sometimes at 10pm or 10:30 but I don't get any sleep; if I do, I wake up really sore and tired like if I didn't sleep at all. My friend calls me and she tells me "hey you need to sleep, you sound so tired..." The truth is that when I go to work I still feel tired all the time. I have seen my doctor 3 times this week already. Tests tests and much more tests going on right now. I'm nervous and worried and scared about having cancer again. I have stress at work, and with my family too. So I guess that has a lot to do with it. I hate having insomnia, I had insomnia for like 2 months when I started college. I used to wake up at 4am to be ready at 4:30 to be picked up and be on the track at 5:00am, then run my 8miles in the morning then workout like at 7:00am then shower and go to BIO lab or another class at that time; then at 4pm after all my classes, either swimming or running again... I used to get back home like at 8:00 or 9:00pm and do my homework and battle to go to sleep 'til 4am again. It was too hard on me because I did too many things. Those classes were hard, the training was HARD and everything was hard. I loved it though.
The training was worth it. I was one of the best runners at my college and my records were great.Wow! old time was so good... I always thing I'd love to be an "elite" again. Well... Time will tell right?

Ohh! Tom- about your comment, yeah I'll meet you there on 07. Why 07? My doc said " YOU CANT RUN until 07" so I figured that I should listen to his "advice" or "rules"... I can start running on July. Only a strict training program he wants me to follow. (LOL and "sure" I will)

Alright, I'm getting tired of rambling and typing. I will try to post something fun or interesting tomorrow. I promise it wont be about my work!

Fat-Free Peanut Butter

2006-04-11T22:39:00.000-07:00

No it's not an announcement at all; I just wanted a random "crazy" and unreal title for my post. I really am not too happy tonight but I'm still celebrating my remission. Mom and I have been having arguments on the phone for stupid things... I'm letting her vent because she's pregnant and I guess that makes her more stressed and nervous and "mean" lol. Oh for those who thought about fat-free peanut butter, no there's no such thing as fat free peanut butter, as far as I know.

I've been setting myself goals lately and I'm thinking about starting to run again but I don't want to overwork my body or to do something stupid. I have an appointment with my other oncologist tomorrow and I will ask him about it. I want to run the Chicago Marathon 2007. But not only run the marathon, I also want to complete it in less than 2:45. I will let you all know what my doctor says.

Daddy was here!!!

2006-04-05T20:43:00.000-07:00

YEP!!! Daddy took a day off and got on a train and came to visit me. We had such a great time together. He came to fix some business and to spend some time with me too. He couldn't stay longer because mom is pregnant, and my siblings there can't live without him either. Awww, they are all so cute. I am so tired tonight, but I wanted to post something, about "anything"... I know I'm boring sometimes but I just don't know what to write about, sometimes, just about my everyday life. I'm here just thinking about the great news I HEARD and GOT yesterday from my doctor. Chemo is officially out my agenda, FOR NOW; and I will begin radiation therapy again. There will be 6 sessions of radiation. Tests have been scheduled for this Friday and next Wednesday. Things look really clear now; so far no cancer evidence has showed up in the last two months. So I am in REMISSION!! Yet again I repeated it, yes and yes and I will repeat it all the times I need to. There is no happiest feeling in my life than knowing that my life is going back to normal and my health is getting better.

Do you guys think I should announce a "remission-party"? !!

Congratulations to Running Jayhawk and The Out of Shape Guy

2006-04-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

I want to congratulate my friend Running Jayhawk and her husband The Out of Shape Guy for officially completing the Shamrock Shuffle 8k.

Congratulation guys!!!!

Read her post here!

Just another Saturday at work

2006-04-01T20:06:00.000-08:00

I didn't make it to the movies tonight So I guess tomorrow we might go. My dad and my friend Chris are coming to visit me on Wednesday, so it will be a fun week.

But my day at work today was not so good. Let me start with the beggining...

I got at my work place and the first thing I see is all the entrance and the carpets DIRTY. I said to myself "that's fine as long as our backroom is empty". I see my boss and the other assistant, just in the office "chilling, on the clock". Ok, he's the boss after all. I went to the backroom and I took a look of it, and it's FULL with crap and not organized at all. There was no cashier, until 3pm. So I was stuck on the register for 3 hours. I usually don't complain about work but sometimes it's just so UNFAIR. My boss and his boyfriend/assistant don't do any of the paper work; I found the petty cash SHORT and the drawers OVER. Because everytime they get change from the petty, they don't exchange it. So I knew I had to fix that before going back home. Next thing: NO LOAN- everytime you sign a cashier to a drawer you MUST do a loan for it so when you take down the drawer you won't be short or over, and well it's too long to explain... When you do everything to take the drawers down; if you are more than $100.00 short, you can be fired, or the cashier. I hate dealing with money, and worse if I am supposed to have a certain amount and I am short or too over. Another thing that made me mad: I went and open the store I think on Thursday. I go and put the code to open the safe. Guess what I find? I found all the money out of the safe. All in different drawers. WHat is the safe for?????!!!! If someone goes and rob the store, they will find everything in the drawers and guess who gets fired? The managers; and I'm one of them. NOT FAIR! I miss my other boss so bad. He used to do everything by the book and everything so organized.

Stupid Questions and comments from customers:
1. Do you work here?
2. How much does this cost? (when they see the BIG STAMP with the price on it)
3. Are you open?
4. If it doesn't fit me, can I bring it back?
5. Why don't you have bread in here?6. Dang it, you're all out.
7. Are you guys hiring here?
8. Wow the store looks like crap.
9. I ain't got the 6 cents.
10. Why is it so much if I only got 1 bag of items?
11. How much is my total so far? Oh dang it, then I don't want this, this and this and this... Take it all off and leave the toilet paper.
12. Hey you're slow! why don't you open the other register.
13. I think that person is stealing...
14. I'm not stealing, I thought you guys sell the diapers individually.
15. This pack is open, can I get a discount for it?
16. My cousin is a manager at the other store, can I get a discount?
17. At what time do you close?
18. It says $3.00 right there, I'm not paying $4.00 for that. What kind of dollar store are you?!?!
19. Can I speak to a manager? -Yes I am the manager. Is there any other managers today? -No, I am the manager in duty right now. Well then I'll come back later.
20. (On the phone) Are you guys hiring?
21. WHy are you not hiring if your store looks like crap and you seem like you need help?
22. Do you sell cigarettes? -No. Why not?...
23. Where is your damn sales paper at?
24. Can I speak to a manager? -Yes I am the manager in duty right now. Wow you're the manager? Nah you're not. I am the manager how may I help you. Are you hiring?!? No we are not hiring right now, we have the people we need. You guys are never hiring, but the store looks like crap.
25. Why is the store so messy? -Because most customers like to shop and play in the store...
26. At 8:15PM , at the door: " is it close? -YESS!!!!

These are only the phrases I remember for now. There are more, and more rude, and funnier.

Today I had the typical 3:
" Are you hiring?"
"Are you closed?"
" Do you work here?"
It's an interesting place. You Bet!!

Now a nice closure picture for my dearest customers.

The Meltdown

2006-04-01T08:31:00.000-08:00

Today me and my roomate are planning on going to the movies with her daughter and my roomate's boyfriend. I personally can't wait to see the movie. I have to go to work today. I hate it!!! I think my next post is going to be about my stupid darn workplace. I like my job, I just don't like my new boss. I'm in the middle of nowhere... I'm the associate's boss but I'm also an employee and I have a mean boss. He yells at me, I can't yell at others because that's not my type. It's not fun at all... I make decent money but it's not worth nothing. Ok, in a way it is. But there's too many things that bother me there.

Ok I stop with my ramblings for now...

Laugh a little with these pictures:

The Cancer Mosaic

2006-03-31T09:22:00.000-08:00

THECANCERMOSAIC
HELP PIECE TOGETHER A CURE

THECANCERMOSAIC was born out of a series of conversations that were focused on a way to not only raise money for the Lance Armstrong Foundation, but to find a way to help people understand the breadth of impact that cancer has had on this world. A way to put a face on cancer - to no longer talk about it like it is something sterile - but to personalize it.
THECANCERMOSAIC is a way to show the variety of people that have been impacted directly by being diagnosed with cancer. To honor the memory of those who have lost their battles; to honor and support those who are still fighting the fight; to learn about those who are beyond treatment but still shaped by their cancer experience.
THECANCERMOSAIC is a way to thank those who put their time, energy, and passion into treating those in the fight. The oncology nurses who administer the poisons to make patients better; the oncologists who diagnose, treat, and heal; the counselors who help patients and families face their fears; the family members who are there for and with whatever is needed - a ride, a shoulder, a hug, a cry, a smile.
THECANCERMOSAIC is a way to educate those who have not been affected by cancer. To help people understand that anyone can be effected. To let people see a familiar face in the mosaic that will bring home the realization that anyone can be next to hear what no one should hear "you have cancer." To help raise awareness, to teach that vigilance and early detection are key to survival. That we all should be very attuned to our own bodies. That if something does not feel right, that we should keep asking questions until a definitive answer is found.
THECANCERMOSAIC is a way of taking many pieces and showing how they, when grouped together, can make an impactful whole.
THECANCERMOSAIC welcomes your visit and encourages you to participate! Please take a moment to view the faces in this mosaic. Read their names. Then please make a tax deductible* donation to the Lance Armstrong Foundation, add a tile, and help piece together a cure!

When Love is not enough

2006-03-30T18:52:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we think things could be easy just because you love that person who you called "my loved one". I don't know how am I writing this or what made me write about it, so late... Sometimes people are not always how you think they are. How would you feel if you're hurt by the person you trust or love the most? How would you feel if you know that the person you love is gone? I hate writing and expressing my feelings but I guess this is a way to help myself to get over it; and perhaps to find out what happened here.
Where is that tremendous guy I met who I fell in love with? Why did you hurt me and why did you do that to me? Why? Did I let it happen? Was I not good enough? Did I make a mistake? Did we both make a mistake? Where did your love end? When? and... How?
I feel like I'd rather go through cancer again than live without you. I didn't know I love you this much.
Yesterday I asked to myself: Is tomorrow too late to forgive you? Is tomorrow too late to love you? Is tomorrow too late to fix this?
I still don't know what to do. I love you too much...

( sorry readers, I might be boring but those are my feelings) and this is my blog!

Chemo + Stomach Flu

2006-03-22T08:28:00.000-08:00

I had chemo the past week, and that cisplatin makes me so weak. The first day after chemo was not too bad but then the next morning I started feeling like throwing up but more than I normally feel. I thought it was part of the chemo, because I always feel that way but not SO bad like this time. So I ignored it... I couldn't eat, or sleep or do anything. I called my doctor and I told him my symptoms and everything, we both thought it was a side effect from chemo. Then a fever started acting up, first 99.3, all the way up to 103.5 I couldn't even talk. I called my doctor again and I told him about the fever so he admitted me in the hospital, overnight. Then finally they found out about a viral infection or virus attacking my body through my stomach.

Everything is okay now but I've never felt so sick in my life. Stupid stomach flu!!!!!
I'll post more later...

Now it's just a dream...

2006-03-14T13:18:00.000-08:00

My dream was to make it to the Olympics as an athlete...

What was yours?

Today's song: Fix you (ColdPlay)

2006-03-02T19:40:00.000-08:00

I love this song because it reminds me of how hard we try things sometimes and they seem to be not working at all, or just STOPPED. I think sometimes it's all about patience and time; some things are 'attracted' to patience... The song has a great meaning for me in other aspects than the following story. When you are told that you have cancer and you do all your best and it doesn't seem to be working, it's like being stuck in the middle of nothing...

One day I was doing something really simple; that later became to be the hardest thing ever. I was doing a friend a favor. In the morning I went to work, I also stopped to see my doctor, I fired one of our employees (I'm an assist. manager). My day was going great (not that I like to fire people) Oh in the morning I put my friend's file in my USB driver so that I could print the papers for her. In the afternoon like at 4pm I started doing that; it was just a simple thing. I drove to college, I was on time, it took me 20 minutes to find a parking spot. I had a 50 dollar bill. That was the only money I had left; and 2 dollars and some coins... I wanted to be on time so my friend could have her papers on time too. I decided to do a little run because I was far far away from the library. It felt good... I got to the place, I put the 2dollars on my student card and got on a computer to start printing the papers out. I put the USB drive, I had a lot of files but that one. Suddenly I remembered that in the morning I did put the USB drive but I didn't put the file in there because I got distracted. I didn't know what to do, so I left the place. I needed to go back home to get the information. I ran again to go back to my car, this time I was a little mad but I still had time. The 50dollars were in my coat's pocket and since I ran, I lost them but by that time I didn't know it yet. I got home, got the information, called my neighbor, she was willing to print it out for me. Everything seemed to be solved. Her printer didn't work that time.

My friend really needed those papers and I didn't have more time so I went to her workplace and explained everything to her, she was sad, I was sad. I had the information in my hands and we couldn't print it out...

When I got back home I couldn't believe all those things that happened to me just for doing a favor to my friend. I tried my best to do something simple and it got as complicated as I never thought.

I know at some point the story is 'funny' and 'sad' lol but I felt like crap. I guess it is because I tried my best and it didn't work. I didn't lose anything, just the money, it was a material thing. But I lost time and I couldn't make it through that simple thing...
(Yes if you ask, I haven't gotten over it yet LOL)

Fix You -ColdPlay

when you try your best but you don't succeed
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse

and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix

you high up above or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try, you'll never know
just what you're worth

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you

tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
tears stream down your face
and I...

tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
tears stream down your face
and I...

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you

To Carry and Lori - Hang in there and I am praying for you... Hugs!!

Nutrition During Treatment...

2006-02-28T22:41:00.000-08:00

It's extremely important for us cancer patients to eat well enough to be strong and ready for both cancer treatment and the cancer itself. For some reason our country has been very irresponsible with all the nutritional bases that the whole community needs to know to have a healthy body, good immune system and prevent illnesses...

This is a list that I found and I talked about it with my doctor, and it helped me a lot.

The following essential nutrients maintain healthy immunity:

Vitamin A
Fish liver oils, liver

Beta Carotene (provitamin A)
Orange, yellow and dark green leafy vegetables including carrots, cantaloupe, apricots, spinach

Vitamin B2 (Riboflavin)
Whole and enriched cereals and breads. Lean meat, milk, eggs, liver, dried yeast

Vitamin B6 (Pyridoxine)
As for B2, and bananas

Folic Acid
Leafy green vegetables, meats

Pantothenic Acid
Brewer's yeast, legumes, salmon, whole grains

Vitamin C
Citrus; fruits, berries, broccoli, bell peppers

Vitamin E
Leafy green vegetables, egg yolk, liver, wheat germ

Selenium
Garlic, legumes, fish, asparagus

Iron
Liver, peas, egg yolk, asparagus

Zinc
Liver, oysters, soybeans, sunflower seeds

Magnesium
Green leafy vegetables, nuts, seafood

Manganese
Bananas, bran, pineapple, nuts

Protein
Lean meat, poultry, fish, shellfish, eggs, legumes, broccoli, sunflower seeds

Antioxidants
Citrus fruits, legumes, whole grains

Botanical Factors (Phytonutrients)
All plant sources of food, especially dark and brightly colored fruits and vegetables.

Partial and complete REMISSION!

2006-02-24T20:19:00.000-08:00

I want everybody to read this post; for the first time in almost 5 years I’ve gotten the best news ever in my whole life. I’m still weak from this chemo round but I’m so happy that I can’t hold it; I need to tell you all NOW!
My doctor ran some (million) tests, and scans and all kinds of blood drawn tests two weeks ago. This week, noon, I was sitting down just being a ‘nice relaxed patient’ waiting for my chemo and some kind of consulting with him before the chemo and waiting for the blood tests before chemo… He took some papers and he handled them to me. He is like a weird ‘father figure’ to me because he has been taking care of my cancer for a long time and I admire him as a doctor. Any ways, he gave me the papers and he asked me: Do you know what this means?” I said, No… He cleared his throat and my first thought was “Oh God, my cancer is now as big as my head!!!” He looked at me and 15 seconds of silence killed me and I said “hey tell me now” almost crying. He said: According to these tests results your body has not only responded good to the chemo; your body does not show cancer cells. I couldn’t believe what he was saying, I was surprised and speechless. He also told me that I might have cancer cells but that they will go away with the rest of my chemo rounds that I have left. Then, he said, congratulations you are now in a partial remission that soon will be a complete remission.
Bad thing, I still have to restrict myself from contact with people a little bit because my defenses are low, I have to finish 4 more chemo rounds and no running, no over working my body etc… But I AM HEALING!!!!!!!!! I AM IN REMISSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is this true?

2006-02-17T23:23:00.000-08:00

Computer bug delays cancer treatments
By Celia Hall, Medical Editor(Filed: 18/02/2006)

Cancer patients had treatments delayed this week when a computer virus infected two radiotherapy machines.
Poole General Hospital in Dorset has had to set up weekend clinics to treat 81 patients who missed their radiotherapy over two days when two linear accelerators were affected.
Sue Sutherland, the hospital chief executive, said: "It won't affect their treatment at all because the way the radiotherapy works is that people need to have a dose within a specific period of time, something like a week.
"Therefore we can plan to ensure that those patients will get the treatment dosage appropriately during the course of the week."
An investigation is taking place to see how the virus got in and how it was effective despite being "detected and repelled" by the hospital's anti-virus system. The hospital said the "disruption was caused by the huge amount of traffic that this virus generated".

Note to Self

2006-02-16T12:48:00.000-08:00

Sometimes wish we could change our past, our lives, circumstances, mistakes and lots and lots of other things in our lives. But what's the point of being "ourselves" then? I often complain about things in my life; I always said to people "yes I'm a runner" or "yes I'm a cross country runner" or whatever... If I was going to identify my journey with a sport discipline, I guess that would be a 26miles with hurdles marathon. Hmm... for people like RunningPol, Shelly or other runners who struggle reading this blog, know that there's no such thing as 26miles with hurdles. It would be cool though hahaha...

Things have been getting better lately, in my life, maybe someone is jumping and running for me. It feels nice to have good news after all. Changes have to be made but it is worthy.

My note to self would be: "I will never have the power to change anything from the past..."
I'll just learn from it.

What's next with me? If everything planned work; I will be able to go back to college, next semester. At University of Washington, and if I make it, I'll finish my BA degree in Pre-Med and Biology. Three semesters more to go on that and I won't be an undergraduate anymore! Before going back to college, there's my new chemo, new cancer center, new radiation and new everything. I'm very positive to these new things, and I know I'll be in good hands.

Hey I'm back!!!

2006-01-31T21:34:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody, and my apologies to those who have tried to read my 'blog'. Well, I didn't know but something messed up my blog really bad and it was just blank. I haven't been on the computer at all, for a long time and when I finally decided to come back; I just noticed it. My boyfriend told me something about it but I didn't pay attention to it.

Alright I'm tired now, I'll post more later...

"Cancer Free" in a box...?

2005-12-12T10:04:00.000-08:00

There's no doubt that one of the things that I dream of is to be cancer free. I asked my mommy if I could be cancer free for christmas and if I could have it as a christmas present. It could be the best... Well, the truth is that what I want as a christmas present might be a little impossible to find.

I'm 20 years old now, and I feel like a veteran, fighting this cancer. Cancer have been taking a lot from me: emotionally, spiritually and physically. But, I have learned things that only a cancer patient does. I've learned to enjoy every morning with aches or not aches. I've learned to love and live my life and to not let anything stop me from my dreams. Without cancer, maybe I'd be the most horrible person; mentally. I wouldn't enjoy the small things that God gives me everyday. There are days of total darkness for me, but there is always someone holding me up and cheering me up. I also have met the most beautiful cancer community online and in my neighborhood. And I have seen that some people really care. I have the greatest caregiver and lover, who has been there for me in the most painful moments of my life, who came in the right moment and holds my hand every second since then...

You know, this cancer journey has been mostly like a Survivorship University. Sometimes I wish I never had cancer but if I didn't have it, who would I be?

Changing the Layout

2005-12-11T21:39:00.000-08:00

I'll be changing the layout during this week, because even I had problems reading my own posts, the blog was just too dark... Let's see what I come up with, for a design...

Ohh and I'm also back from Seattle, it was a very sad weekend for me and my family, saying goodbye to my aunt. I miss them already and I got here just a few hours ago. Hopefully I'll be having my chemo on this Tuesday if my blood counts are high enough, which I think they are. *crossing fingers*

No chemo

2005-12-07T12:02:00.000-08:00

There was no chemo for me yesterday. My white blood cell counts are low. That’s the reason why I’m getting infections etc… I feel okay today though. Tomorrow morning I’m leaving to Seattle to go to my aunt’s memorial service(. Although I’m happy because I’ll see my mommy and I really do miss her a lot.

And yes I just noticed that I haven’t added the links and anything to my blog yet. I’ll do it soon…

A Total Mess

2005-12-05T20:55:00.000-08:00

A Total Mess

My life has been sooooooooo crazy lately. My treatment is definitely my enemy. Well, at least it is helping me…

My aunt:
Sigh… Big sigh… A bigger sigh… The biggest sigh…
Yesterday morning, I received a call from my mom telling me “I don’t know how to tell you this, we didn’t expect it, it’s braking my soul, but, she left us…” – What? Mom, tell me!!! “Your aunt passed away last night”. A big silence was between us. My aunt was my world for me. She was only 34, and had problems with her heart and passed away from a heart major failure. I still don’t know the real reasons of her death. But I do know how it hurts me. She was one of my favorite people. I love her so much. I can’t accept it. I just can’t.

My heart is overwhelmed right now and I just want to scream. This was not the way I planned to see her the next time.

I love you auntie!!! And I always will…

From the Beginning...

2005-11-28T10:25:00.000-08:00

Hi and welcome to my blog. I have started another blog but for different reasons I couldn't keep them up.

Diagnosis: I was diagnosed with Stage IIB of Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer/ Adenocarcinoma of the lung. My symptoms basically started with constant cough, wheezing some chest pain. Which I complained for like a month or so. I am an athlete, so I was physically active all the time. So I thought I just had a bad asthma or bronchitis that would go away with some medication. But then yet again I still was feeling those symptoms, this time coughing up blood, I started losing weight and having pneumonia and bronchitis badly. Well, long story short I had an X-Ray showing 'snowballs' in my right lung... After the bronchoscopy and a biopsy my life has never been the same. Chemotherapy and radiation therapy ‘helped’ but only for a limited period of time. For some reason my body wouldn’t allow many chemotherapy and/or anti-cancer agents. And I had many allergic reactions. So, after looking for an answer we finally found out the ‘perfect’ treatment for me. But this time cancer met my bones, brain and liver. Although, I’ve never felt so sick like I should feel. My body has been strong. You might want to know how was I dealing with all this 'mess', well at first I didn't realize that it was not just a flu and I kept doing things like: running, not eating well, not sleeping well and taking the medications only when I thought I needed them. I didn't want to believe it, and I didn't want to face it. Now, I learned and I'm still learning how to help myself on getting better, it isn't always working but it is worth it.

You certainly can't explain how it feels to be told 'you have cancer'. It is a moment that last on your mind for the rest of your life. Cancer is never the best 'welcome' circumstance of the life, you were not trained to fight it. For me, it felt like, I was determinated to die. I felt like something was taking my life away from me. But, I believe I will beat this thing!!!

To give you all a better idea of what I’ve been dealing with I got some definition of my friend named Adenocarcinoma.

Adenocarcinoma is the most common type of lung cancer, accounting for 30-35% of all cases.Over the past 30 years, the frequency of adenocarcinomas has increased, while, squamous cell carcinomas have decreased.This is believed to be due to a true change in the biological occurence and not a change in criteria for diagnosis.Adenocarcinoma is the most common cause of lung cancer in women and nonsmokers and is the most common cell type associated with lung scarring from other causes ("scar carcinoma").
The majority of adenocarcinomas occur at the periphery of the lung, and, as a resultare often asymptomatic until late in their course. They frequently lie just below the pleura, and cause pleural retraction and thickening on x-ray. Often adenocarcinomas are discovered on routine chest x-rays or in a primary search for distant metastases.Necrosis is uncommon in adenocarcinomas, however, large tumors may show central necrosis and cavitation.Most adenocarcinomas are between 2 and 5 cm at the time of resection.Over half of patients who present with adenocarcinoma are detected by an asymptomatic nodule on a routine chest radiograph.
Gross AppearanceAdenocarcinomas grossly present with the "three P's" - peripheral, pigmented and puckered.Commonly lesions are found near the pleural surface (peripheral) which is retracted (puckered) over the neoplasm.The cut surface is often white to pale gray with black anthracotic pigment and glistens if mucin is present. Desmoplastic reactions are often associated with adenocarcinomas and give the tumor a firm fibrous consistency. Adenocarcinomas tend to be well circumscribed and contain central necrotic cores.Less commonly they from cavitary lesions.
Adenocarcinomas are also associated with subpleural scars due to a variety of causes, including old infarcts, healed pneumonitis or granulomas, or trauma.
Microscopic FeaturesThe World Health Organization (WHO) defines adenocarcinoma as "a malignant epithelial tumor with tubular, acinar, or papillary growth patterns, and/or mucus production by the tumor cells."Currently the WHO recognizes four categories of adenocarcinoma:

acinar

papillary

bronchioloalveolar

solid carcinoma with mucus formation

However, others have suggested different groupings.
Mucin production is demonstrated by staining with either mucicarmine, periodic acid-Schiffwith diastase (PASD) or Alcian blue.Demonstration of mucin is essential when differentiating the solid variant from a large cell carcinoma of the lung, which by definition stains negatively for mucin.
Adenocarcinomas are also subclassified based upon their degree of differentiation into well, moderate and poorly differentiated forms.This subclassification is based upon the degree of gland formation, regularity of gland architecture, cytologic features, presence of amount of solid areas, level of mitotic activity and the presence and amount of necrosis.Accurate grading also requires an adequate sample, small biopsies tend to be of little value, and initial grades are often changed with more thorough sampling.Histologic grading is not reliable in cases with metastatic disease or following chemotherapy or radiation treatment.Histologic grade tends to correlate poorly with survival data, however, poorly differentiated adenocarcinoma does have a poor prognosis and is rapidly fatal.
The acinar variant is the most common form and is defined by the WHO as having, "a predominance of glandular structures, i.e., acini and tubules with or without papillary or solid areas."The better differentiated tumors form orderly glands lined by tall columnar cells with a regular array of nuclei.
Papillary adenocarcinomas are recognized as having "a predominance of the papillary structures."Papillary architecture begins with the protrusion of cells into the gland lumen.Generally the more well differentiated papillary variants show a core of fibrous connective tissue which is covered by a single layer of uniform cuboidal to columnar cells.Stratification and loss of uniformity are associated with a loss of differentiation.
Bronchoalveolar carcinomas are defined as "an adenocarcinoma in which cylindrical tumor cells grow upon the walls of pre-existing alveoli."(A more thorough discussion of bronchioloalveolar carcinoma is present in the "Bronchioloalveolar carcinoma" section).
Solid carcinomas with mucus formation are recognized as, "poorly differentiated adenocarcinomas lacking acini, tubules and papillae but with mucin containing vacuoles within many tumor cells."Since the solid variant is poorly differentiated by definition, it may be difficult to perceive gland formation. Mucin stains are necessary to demonstrate mucin and differentiate the tumor from a large cell carcinoma.